No one asked, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to share with you my thoughts on Tuesday’s election.

Let’s start with the universal truths. The country is not in a good way. At this point W goes down as the worst president in my lifetime of recollections. That’s starts with Reagan by the way, I know Carter was pretty worthless, but I was too busy with my Hot Wheels at the time to be outraged. The financial health of the country is in the can.

I claim to be a centrist. I say this because I am a fiscal conservative and a social liberal. This usually works well in theory, but very poorly in practice. Notice the lack of success for the Libertarian Party. This is because being socially liberal usually means being a big fan of social services. My social liberalism is much different. I believe in small government. I believe that stem cell research is an area of science that must not be ignored. I believe in choice. I believe that the term ‘defense of marriage’ is theological spin for discriminating against homosexual couples. I believe in renewable energy resources. I’ll leave it at that, because if I go any further, I’ll end up telling you that I believe the children are our future, that we should teach them well and them let them lead the way, that we should show them all the beauty they possess inside, that we should give them a sense of pride to make it easier, and ultimately that we should let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be.

So let me take a look at the races that I think our the most important.

Sixth District House of Representatives
Unfortunately I don’t live in the district so I can’t cast a vote for El Tinkleberg, but I’m begging everyone that lives in the district to correct the error that has been made by empowering Michele Bachmann. In case you don’t know Bachman, she’s the bible-banger who has a propensity of saying things that seriously make a normal person wonder if there isn’t some sort of mental defect happening. I documented some of her nuttiness before the last election. Big fan of creationism, thinks global warming is imagined, and has the hots for Jesus Christ, in fact she tried to slip him a note in church last Sunday, but he said he didn’t like her that way. In more recent history, she almost became the first Congresswoman to sexually assault a presiding President after her molestation of W. after a recent State of the Union. She also has said that the recent financial turmoil was caused by hyper-regulation. And she wants the press to dig up Eugene McCarthy’s corpse, re-animate it, and have him investigate Barack Obama for his un-American activities. Classy gal.

So if you live in Benton, Sherburne, Stearns, Wright, Anoka, or Washington county, please do your part erase this embarrassing mistake. Vote El Tinklenberg.

Bachmann won two years ago, largely in part due to the fact that Minnesota Democrats have an annoying habit of nominating really bad choices. Patty Wetterling was nominated twice in the sixth district. El seems like a much better choice.

U.S. Senate
Bad Democrat nominees is the perfect introduction to the U.S. Senate election in Minnesota. I have never voted for Norm Coleman. I voted for Jesse in 1998 for Governor. I was planning on voting for Wellstone in 2002, but because of Rick Kahn’s eulogy I did not vote for Fritz and instead chose to leave my ballot for the 2002 Senate race empty. I think that Norm’s last six years have made me very comfortable with that choice. He’s slippery and weak. That said, he’s getting my vote his time around, because he’s not Al Franken. Could someone please explain to me why the Democrats can’t find one single resident to run for Senate. It seems like pretty nice job. Instead they give us the option of voting for a New Yorker. Now I know that Norm’s a New Yorker as well, but at least he had a couple of years as an adult living here when we put him in office. Can’t tell you how much I hate carpetbaggers.

We’ve been subjected to a lot of television commercials in this race. Every single one of them has been horrible. That’s what happens when you’re choosing between the lesser of two evils. The one that amused me the most was when Al Franken tried to fool people into thinking he had one ounce of foreign policy experience. He offered up the fact that he’s done USO tours. Under this premise Bob Hope should have been an easy two-term President. Let’s take a look at some of Al Franken’s fellow USO performers. 50 Cent, Tom Arnold, Charles Barkley, Michael Buffer, Cher, Tara Connor (the cokehead Miss USA), Carmen Electra, the Jonas Brothers, Don King, Johnny Knoxville, Master P, Kellie Pickler, Kid Rock, Ja Rule, Gene Simmons & Jessica Simpson. The list kind of reads like the signers of the Declaration of Independence.

My wish is that someday the DFL will pull it’s head out of it’s ass, but I’m not going to hold my breath on that one.

Okay, I got to wrap this up and I haven’t even mentioned the Presidential election.

President of the United States
I’m not voting for John McCain. I was luke-warm in favor of him until he made his first major decision, selected Sarah Palin as his running mate. A year and a half as Governor of the state with the smallest population after previously being a small-town mayor does not even come close to being a proper resume for the job. This would be similar to a guy who just got his GED walking into his local hospital and filling out a job application for the position of surgeon.

I’m not voting for Barack Obama. He might be great, but I don’t have a clue what he stands for. I’ve quietly stood by while my peers become collectively wet everytime he said the word ‘change’. I think Obama would’ve been a great possibility in 2012 or 2016 or 2020. I don’t like the fact that he started his campaign about 15 minutes after he arrived in DC. The William Ayres connection doesn’t scare me. The Reverend Wright connection scares the crap out of me.

I’ll be voting for Hilary Clinton. With everything I’ve seen, she’s easily the best person for the job. I realize it’ll never happen, but I’ll sleep soundly after casting my vote.

That’s my two cents. Do your research and vote. Don’t vote for the sake of voting.

Why is incompetence tolerated by the Vikings? I cannot think of one good reason why either Brad Childress or Tavaris Jackson still have a job. Both of them could attempt to blame the other, but it is clear that both of them are in over their head. We, the fans of the purple, must now sit through another season that has been T-Jacked from us.

It’s not that big of a stretch to say the Vikings could very well have been 2-0 at this point if they had Brett Favre under center. We do know that with either Gus Frerotte or John David Booty, we could be no worse than the 0-2 we are now.

One of the most frustrating parts of this team is that just about every other piece of the team seems to be in place. This teams looks like a brand new sports car thats been assembled with no gas tank. Sure looks pretty, but it’s not really going to get you anywhere.

Can’t really get behind a new stadium effort, until they make an attempt to win a Super Bowl. They’re now 0 for 47 in winning it all and haven’t even made it to the Super Bowl since 1976.

I’m not proud of it, but one of my favorite parts of the Howard Stern Show is the two jackasses, Richard & Sal. Here’s their latest masterpiece, crashing the CNN story about the recent banking problems.

While Bruce Banner was a scientist that who turned into a menacing beast called the Incredible Hulk, Ted Stevens is the longest-tenured U.S. Senator representing Alaska, who today was indicted on seven counts of making false statements to federal investigators, and oh yeah, by the way, he has worn an “Incredible Hulk” tie on the floor of the Senate.

I screwed up big time. I didn’t realize the Miss Universe contest was going on until about five minutes ago and in that time I saw enough that it got me to write my first post in a long time.

First observation: No Billy Bush. Thank you.

Second observation: Advertisers for this show are interesting. Saw my first Vagisil commercial and I’ve got a feeling it won’t be my only one.

Third observation: This show is being broadcast live from Vietnam. That means that it’s around 6 a.m. on Monday there. Who on earth would be attending this live?

Fourth observation: Just saw that Sarah MacLachlan commercial for an animal shelter charity. In the host country of Vietnam, that would be a fast-food commercial.

Fifth observation: This whole show is one big Office of Tourism ad for Vietnam. Hopefully the number of flashbacks for vets will be kept to a minimum.

Sixth observation: Miss USA fell during the evening gown competition. Give it 15 minutes, then check YouTube.

Seventh observation: Top 15, zero blondes. I’m not sure I’ll be watching much longer.

Eighth observation: So Springer is hosting and I’m sure other hosts have done this before, but it seems really creepy when he only refers to the girls by their country. “Thank you Mexico.” “Thank you Russia.” Do they not have names?

Final prediction. 1. Dominican Republic 2. Russia 3. Mexico

This clip is after the signing of Jared Allen. Conventional wisdom says that the weatherguy said “69 sacks”, but it’s a whole lot more entertaining if you let your mind hang out in the gutter for a little bit.