World according to Lump

In honor of Frank from the Bachelorette let’s all go to our washers right now and set them to the spin cycle. This guy spins more bullshit into verbal gold than Rumpelstilskin. Here’s a couple of tall tale gems that I’ve spotted so far.

I might have some of them a little off but the spirit is there, by the way I could re-watch this stuff and do the duties of a good court reporter to get the exact quotes but my shorthand isn’t for shit and it’s bad enough that I’m watching the show once without re-watching it.

Spin #1: I left my job in the corporate world because I wasn’t inspired.
Reality #1: I was fired.

Spin #2: I moved to Paris to write my screenplay.
Reality #2: I went to Paris for two weeks on vacation where I sat at cafes with laptop telling people I was working on a screenplay but instead was just trying to nail French chicks.

Spin #3: I gave up my place in the city.
Reality #3: I was a greedy bastard who bought a condo I couldn’t afford and got my ass forclosed on rather than honoring my debts with integrity.

Spin #4: I live with my parents which is great to re-connect with them.
Reality #4: I don’t mind being a complete failure if it means free rent, meals & laundry.

Spin #5: The on-screen graphics that refer to him as a “Retail Manager”
Reality #5: Works at Banana Republic mainly for the employee discount.